The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good the Bad and the Ugly - a year end review.

The Good:

1. Winning a long drawn out compensation battle with Equitable Life via the FOS
2. Award of continuation of DLA & Mobility Allowance
3. My one week break away to see family after my bowel investigation
4. My trip by train to visit family for a short weekend break away
5. My nephew's wedding and a lovely 3 nights at a Boutique hotel in Richmond, London
6. Bridge Club and lessons
7. Family, friends, new PC, Apple iphone, wine and laughter
8. Re discovering the art of losing oneself in fiction
9. Hypnotherapy sessions to help me get in touch once again with my optimistic self (gave me the energy to get on, do more, think less and not feel guilty for enjoying life while MyMan is so depressed)
10. Making plans for 2011: more short trips away by rail to meet old and new friends
11. Planning to try and get MyMan to London via rail up so that we can explore where I would like to live - nearer to family
12. MyMan is due to attend a 6 week Pain Management course. I hope it will improve his attitude to coping. Now we know this IS as good as it gets we need to move on.

The Bad: 

1. Many hospital appointments with MyMan at the Pain Management Clinic (raised then dashed hopes and the time spent waiting around)
2. Day Case Surgery - 4 days for him and then 1 for me
3. MyMan attending a Back to Fitness course - slowly building strength up but no improvement pain wise
4. Depressing time when completing application form for continuation of DLA (took us 8 weeks to work through it a bit at a time)
5. The sudden onset of Diabetes following his sacral iliac joint steroid injections
6. Making yet more adjustments for a health problem
7. The lack of effect following Botox injections
8. MyMan's increased depression following each unsuccessful Pain Management intervention

The Ugly: 

1. MyMan rarely goes out without me and I still crave some solitude at home.
2. I often need get away from MyMan to feel happiness; his negativity is so very draining.
3. I still feel home is no longer the refuge it used to be
4. I miss the freedom to invite friends in when I like.Any entertaining of friends needs to be planned well in advance. If it coincides with one of MyMan's worse days then I feel guilty and uncomfortable.
5. His anger, irritation and unpleasant manner is rarely shown openly to other people. His Dr defends him and says its down to frustration. I know. But it is so very draining to cope with 24/7. I withdraw into myself. It doesn't make for a close marriage nowadays. And I still grieve for the loss of the  man he used to be