Wednesday, 21 November 2007

All Drained Out

I feel all drained out. MenopausalOldBag left a comment to the effect that she is "in awe of your patience and compassion". I must admit that both feel a bit low "at the moment". MyMan said a couple of hurtful remarks over the weekend. I just accepted them in the manner which they were thrown. When he's hurting he feels as if everyone and everything is against him. I'm a kind of safe outlet for some of his anger and frustration.

But Monday morning he also had another go. I felt he wasn't being 'fair'. I had neither the patience nor the fortitude to take it. Compassion didn't even raise it's head. I told him that if he didn't like what I do then he can get on and take over the task himself. Shopping is not one of my favourite chores. It does rank a little above hoovering but not much. By the time you've - trailed around the superstore chosen the items, filled the trolley, emptied the trolley, repacked it all, paid for it, driven it all home, carried it indoors and then stored it all away - I am heartily sick of dealing with it. Then every few days I have to go out to collect the 'fresh' stuff from the butcher, the baker, the greengrocer and the dairy. I would much rather sit and read a book. Well, to be honest, I don't mind the fresh food shopping as that is usually done in small shops where you get to meet and socialise with other people.

Supermarket shopping is not such fun. I only go to superstores once a month. There is always something I need that is not in stock. I find the trolley hard to manoeuvre when I'm stiff and aching. A moment of careless tiredness and I'd inadvertently picked up a pack of prunes with the stones in. He nearly lost a tooth. He suggested that I take 'more care' in future.

After a few choice words when I told him he is welcome to shop in future I left to meet a friend for coffee in town. I left home half an hour early as I had promised myself a good walk along the seafront at Sidmouth. But by the time I had parked it was raining heavily. It seemed the last straw - so I sat for 20 minutes alone in the car and wept.

5 comments:

Potty Mummy said...

Sometimes it just all gets too much, doesn't it? I went through a stage earlier in the year when even taking the washing out of the machine seemed like an infringement of my personal liberty. Domestic chores - yuck...

Robert said...

Were you having a "feeling trapped" moment? I sometimes feel like that.

I have to do the shopping, too. Once a week to the supermarket, since I have a family to cater for. I hate it - it's the ultimate in boredom. Bringing the kids along makes me feel less solitary, but creates problems when I have to amuse them as well...

I also walk to relieve life's pressures. In my case, I have a beautiful beach to walk along, and, from time to time, there's a wonderful sunset too. It really sucks when I can't go because the weather is bad...

I hope you've gt through your low moment and things are better.

Best wishes...

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

It is precisely that you have these moments to contend with that show you have immense patience and compassion. You are human, not an angel, and life chucks the biggest wobblies at us from time to time and none of us can go through life as a Stepford Wife.

I am glad you wrote this. Many other carers will take comfort from reading that they are fallible and that it is perfectly normal to want to rip another person's head off when they are being self absorbed and difficult because they too have run out of patience and compassion for a moment or two. You stay, you haven't run and you will pick up the peices again and that is compassion and patience. I'm still in awe of you.

lady thinker said...

I can't thank you enough -for all your kind thoughts and comments. It has been a very hard week.

Retiredandcrazy said...

I learned long ago that the people that need most love perversley seem to make themselves unlovable. A bit deep I know, but I have an alcoholic in the family (recovering now, thank God) and when he was performing he was so obnoxious but that was when he needed most love. Funny old life really! Keep up the good work.