Thursday, 19 July 2007


I went to meet a counsellor on Monday. I am more used to the role of a listener. I found it hard to start. We had so many silences it was a question of which of us would lose our nerve first. But she was good; she asked questions and slowly got me talking. I felt on top form. I didn't feel the need to unburden sadness. "I'm not depressed". Well who could be in this glorious setting. The sun was shining; it was a hot summers day. The bees were buzzing and the birds flitting around the crops. The view from her counselling room was glorious. Relaxing and Calming. Rolling country fields; from here to there, from left to right, up hill and down dale.

I finished talking and threw a grin her way. "Do you hide behind your smiles?" she asked. I acknowledged the hit. Then later she asked "and who is Penny?" and "what does Penny do to cope?" and "where has Penny gone?" and suddenly I didn't feel quite so capable. As she said stocisim and being an optimist can also be a form of denial; not facing reality. As well as being a strength it can be a weakness. I also say "at the moment" a great deal. It's as if where MyMan and I are, "at the moment", is likely to change. It isn't and I have to adjust to that. She thinks I shouldn't hold back in an effort to protect him. She thinks I should be more truthful. But how do you say "I think I would be happier apart from you"? After 36 years together. Life is so difficult for him - "at the moment" - should I do that?


me 'n mine said...

I really liked this blog. Very Liz Jones. What a predicament. Follow your heart. But make sure that what you are thinking of leaving is the person rather than the situation cos at times like yours people can become their situation.

As for counsellors great people but don't let them knock your ability to rise above the dark side. It IS a plus and a gift. Don't lose it!

Today I have frostbite (really) so over and out for now...

Mopsa said...

My Mother-in-law (of whom I was very fond)used to say I was brave if I wore a hat or did something she perceived as the slightest bit daring. No, no no. You are truly brave and that will be enough to guide you and see you through, whatever.

merry weather said...

I don't know what to say - but here's a hug xx

The thinker said...

Me n' mine - thank you. Sorry about frost bite - my mind is boggling!
Mopsa - nice to see you
Merryweather - thanks for the hug - ducks!
I hope none of you flooded out.