Monday, 9 July 2007

Chocolate for the Soul

This may be the start of new beginning. MyMan has found a woman who is a 'good listener'. He has agreed to start a few weeks of talking therapy; psychotherapy. He likes her. He likes her approach. He can be cynical about 'therapists'. He has trained as a counsellor - in a 'directive' business style. He is aware of all the different theoretical approaches. When you have spent all your professional life helping others it can be very difficult to accept help instead. I'll go and see her too. Although I find it difficult to talk of problems. It may help with the difficulty we're now experiencing in communicating. I too could do with some time being totally honest. To let my hair down and the tears to flow. Whatever happens - it is a start. An acknowledgment that we need some help in finding our way through this. MyMan says that half the trouble is he just doesn't listen - it takes up energy. I know he's not listening so have stopped talking. I thought he seemed more energised after his first brief 'free' session. Talking has already helped him to some degree. At least now there is some acceptance. It is a beginning ...

4 comments:

me 'n mine said...

If he can offload some of the frustration and anger onto someone else whose job it is to carry it away for him, he should (may) return to you with a lighter load. He may with this free space be able to offer you some kindness. In time even acknowledge what you are trying to do for him. I hope so. Long process but he has taken the first step.xx

Poetess said...

I Thinker

I am so pleased to read this post this morning. I hope this is a real breakthrough, though it will take time. I think everyone should have councelling. The world would be such a happier place and the doctor's waiting rooms would be much quieter.

Poetessxxxxxxxxxx

I Beatrice said...

I came to you by way of Merry Weather - whose departure I mourn sincerely by the way, for she was one of my most faithful and sensitive visitors...

I don't know of course what your Man's disability is, so am at something of a disadvantage when it comes to making any kind of comment. But when I am low myself, and finding life difficult, I think of the two people I know who coped with severe disability and eventually came up smiling again.

The first was my sister, who became a paraplegic suddenly and without warning - but after the early despairing spell, sat up and started battling back. She began driving again, with hand controls; and little by little was able to do almost everything she had done before, by means of this and that clever little device. She could even feed the cat and do the hoovering!

It wasn't perfect, but she made the best of it; and in the end, we all just stopped noticing she was in a wheelchair at all.

The other example is that of John Mortimer - whom I don't know personally of course, but whose writing continues to sparkle and chuckle (and make me sparkle and chuckle too!) - even while he grows more and more dependent on others, and can no longer even put his own socks on!

I don't know if this will help at all? Your man might still be at the stage of regarding all such well-meaning stories as "pure Pollyanna stuff!".... But I just wanted you to know that I feel for you both anyway, and sincerely hope you will find your way through to the other, sunnier side of this present trouble.

The thinker said...

Me 'n Mine and Poetess; yes - I know what you mean. Thanks x

i beatrice - thanks for calling in - know what you mean about Merryweather. Thanks for the thoughts.