Just When You Think It Can't . . .

Just when you think it can't get any worse than last year . . . it does.

MyMan is, understandably, very disappointed that the injections of local anaesthetic in his spine provided no pain relief. Therefore the idea of the procedure to 'burn off the nerve endings' is a non-starter. He is being put on the waiting list for an injection of local anaesthetic and steroid injections into the sacroiliac joints. To see if that will help.

Physiotherapy exercises are making him feel worse. He is slowly noticing a slight increase of flexibility. But as a result of the exercises the pain is even more intense. He is finding it more difficult to cope with just the very basic of daily living activities. Needless to say his depression is worse.

We both feel intensely disappointed. Christmas will be very quiet. No decorations. No partying. Not even an afternoon tea party. As is usual, when MyMan is depressed and unwell, I am bone weary tired. My own aches, pains and stiff joints have flared up. I'm not going to put myself under pressure. So we'll spend a long quiet weekend together. Reading and watching TV.

I can understand that when we believe that 'this is it' we slowly adjust; get used to the limited lifestyle. But with the idea of a pain free mobile spouse I had allowed my hopes to rise. I started to believe that we could get out and about together. To enjoy visiting some of the local tourist sites; of taking a trip to see family. Dashed hopes are hard to bear.

Pensioner Pisces Parties

I have been inudated with flowers, cards, chocolates and a watercolour of 3 fancy goldfish for my 60th birthday. The DWP also sent me a letter to tell me that my pension would be paid into my bank account on the following Monday. The DWP Carers Section sent me a letter to tell me that my Carer's Allowance will cease. But that I will contine to have an 'underlying entitlement' to Carer's Allowance. Thanks.

MyMan made a noble effort to celebrate the day. The effort took a lot out of him. I found it exhausting watching him. But I appreciated his attempt. It's just that I could see what it was doing to himand it upset me.

A friend said I couldn't be allowed to not celebrate the day. She arranged an afternoon tea party for me. Sadly it was a struggle for her too. She was distracted and tense as her husband was unwell. In the event he had a dizzy turn and dropped the tray of champagne filled glasses. Unusually for him he retired to bed. It was the first time she had entertained guests while she was so worried about her man. She said the time passed in a blur and she could remember very little. She partied on autopilot. I know the feeling. That's why I rarely arrange social events at home. Stress on top of stress is just unbearable.

The silver lining is that I now have one local friend who has had a taste of what it is like to be a carer. And why I have ceased entertaining at home.

Abandon Ship

I'm getting ready to abandon ship. I'm jumping overboard. I'm going up to see my sister. I'll also visit a nephew who has recently been told that at the end of his traineeship with one of the top law firm's in London that he has a job. I'm not surprised. I'm proud of him and biased I know. A second younger nephew is safely back from his travels experiencing 'extreme sports' down under in Malaysia and Australasia. I'll be packing a couple of bottles for us to celebrate.

I've also acquired a cinecam and have found out how to operate it. And then how to get the movie on to my laptop. I've also bought a Dongle for web connection while I'm on my travels. I'm taking so many chargers, leads and connections I need a separate suitcase to cope with them all. I'm all set to film and research the area in which I'd like to live. I'm going to try a sales pitch when I return home.

I'm all set to laugh drink and be merry. After a week with my little sister I move on to the south coast to meet up with a nice niece for Sunday lunch and to visit an Aunt on Monday.

I'm Still Rolling Along ...

I'm still rolling along ... I ended up with a hacking wheezing rattly cough. A cough and dry throat which stopped me from sleeping for most of the week. I felt exhausted. Every breathe I took made me sound as if I had an '80- a- day' habit. After a few days it eventually started to clear - now I have a streaming cold. That I can live with. It's the coughing that has been so very wearying. My chest and diaphragm muscles have had an incredible work out.

A few weeks ago I made MyMan change his massage appointment. He'd made a date to have his regular deep tissue massage on my birthday. He usually needs at least 24 hours to recover and I didn't want to spend another birthday alone with no one around to help me celebrate. All my close local friends are currently touring the wilds of south Africa, on a Caribbean cruise, or exploring the depths of south America. I was hoping that at least MyMan and I would be able to go out for a short while to the local pub for lunch.

In the event I slept on and off for the majority of the day. Only opening my cards and presents mid afternoon. I've had some lovely cards - for me as aunt, niece, cousin, sister, friend, someone special and Wife - all telling me how special I am. I also had a few texts/email messages from other folk who have been laid up with various viruses or chest infections and unable to shop or post cards along with text wishes from those travelling abroad. It was good to be remembered by so many people.

I had started to think of an informal party to celebrate my 60th next year. But if this chest infection had hit when I'd planned a 'Bit of a Do' - I would be extremely peeved. Perhaps I'd better just leave it to an ad hoc arrangement nearer the date. Meanwhile I still have a 'birthday lunch' to look forward to - maybe in a few weeks...