New Blogger on the Block

A big welcome to the Earl of Bootyopia who's dipped a toe into the Blogosphere with this post which is well worth reading. Please pop over and say Hi!

Caring With Confidence

I would like to draw your attention to this new initiative funded by the NHS. It is a free knowledge and skills based learning programme. Some areas have group meetings. It appears to have limited groups in the South West region - Somerset. No wonder parts of Devon & Cornwall are still referred to as 'the withered arm'. (There was not so much money to be spent on the west which had to soldier on as best it could - left to wither away!)

I suggest you explore this link and see if Caring with Confidence would be of any help to you.

I like to meet and share problems in a group when I can but with time being such an issue it isn't always easy. Another problem I find is just how bone wearingly tired being a carer can be. It is so hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it. I often wonder whether it is a low grade form of reactive depression. Does anyone else have any views on this?

Emotional breakdown . . .

I've had an emotional breakdown. A few days ago we started to discuss all our options on moving house. MyMan's chiropractor has again told him to walk only on level ground. Not to climb hills.

I am still keen to return to Surrey/Sussex area to be closer to family. MyMan cannot imagine being back in the over crowded south east. Where there are stabbings, droughts and traffic jams on an hourly basis. He knows. He reads the newspapers. He watches the TV and sees Sky News 24. He tells me that I wont feel safe there. It doesn't matter that I tell him I have felt no fear when I go on a visit.

He asked why I am so keen on living there. When I said I would like to see family once a week for a few hours at a time rather than once a year for a week he told me it was an emotional reaction. Yes it is. I then became even more emotional and spent 6 days crying at the drop of a hat.

When I wasn't crying we tried to talk about my emotional feelings in a rational way. I explained just how wearying it is having to schedule in arrangements so that I can visit family. How much of a strain it feels choosing the 'right time' to leave him for a week. How tired I am to begin with. How tiring the journey can be. How tiring it is to get around to visit with each member of the family so that none feel slighted or left out. How so many deaths of the older members still haunt me as I'd not had chance to see them when they were ill. How I'd missed out on attending their funerals.

How after a few days of being away, with time to laugh giggle and relax with my sister and friends that after a few days I have then to start thinking of the journey home and returning to 'normal life'. How much harder I find it to cope on my return. That the few days away has just emphasized how much I am missing in my day to day life. That if he died tomorrow I would sell up and relocate.

He suggested that I look at going up there more often. Several times a year as I used to when we lived in Gloucestershire. When I was 10 years younger than now. It wont solve the problem that I'll soon be another 10 years older and will find the journey even harder than now.

I fail to see how it matters to him where he lives. That apart from going out to take a small amount of exercise he never wants to go out. He doesn't want visitors. He doesn't want to socialise. He's reclusive and non communicative. I attempted a rational explanation of how lonely and alone I often felt. I even wonder whether once living near our old home town again he wouldn't want to get out and about.To look at his old haunts. To watch a game at his favourite football club.

And also there is my fear that he may get worse. And then I wouldn't be able to leave him for a week. Never mind several times a year.

Still Married, for Better or Worse ...

We are still married, it has been a close call a few times over the last few weeks. But now I am taking more 'time out' for myself. It helps. The house gets dustier and more grimy - I can't do everything. There are only 24 hours in a day, something had to get placed on the back burner and cleaning has never been my favourite chore. But my mental well being needed a fillip. Or a Philip might be even better!

1. I am now in the middle of my 3rd week studying and trying to get to grips with playing Bridge. I always enjoy new experiences, new challenges and learning.
2. I've been to Exeter City twice to browse the shops. I'm a little out of practice and need to build up my shopping stamina - 2 hours was more than enough. I'll take a more leisurely view next time. Have a coffee, visit the Cathedral. My trip to Exeter on Tuesday coincided with torrential rain and flooded streets. I had to paddle. Was drenched to the skin and returned home faster than I anticipated and empty handed - apart from a new umbrella.
3. A friend is due to visit in July and my plans for a weekend away in Gloucestershire in the autumn, meeting up with old friends and neighbours are progressing well.

Comfort Foods

Yes - the diet has been going really well. My large clothes have started to have spare spaces again. They are not as voluminous as previously but are definitely looser. As I hadn't taken much notice of the weight creeping on I have no idea what I weighed when I started to diet. I lost a few pounds before I started to weigh myself daily. Sometimes hourly! I know I shouldn't but when I'm struggling it does help concetrate my mind. Since I have been keeping a tally I know I have lost 7lbs. So maybe it is more like 10+lbs overall.

I've managed to reduce bread, cakes, biscuits to almost zero consumption. I really miss my toast and marmalade.I rewarded myself with a toast for breakfasta few days ago. But it left me hungry and looking for food for the rest of the day. Not a treat that I'll repeat in a hurry. I've increased the fruit and vegetable content. I keep an eye on reduced fat content. No wine.

Now to cope with the deprivation I have bought a small stash of treats: low calorie choc biscuits (Kitkats/Penguins). I'm the kind of dieter that likes to have something nice and unnecessary. I think about it and check that I really, really do want to eat it today. Imagine my irritation when, after thinking about a treat for 5 days and deciding that yes this was the day I'd have something, finding they had all been eaten. Eaten by MyMan.

MyMan who claims he desperately needs to lose weight . Yet who is still on full rations of all the usual foods. Who still eats toast, cakes, biscuits, cereals and puddings. He knows the choc bars are not for him. He claims he doesn't really like them. He wants me to stop buying them. Well, I don't intend to. I'll buy a mouse trap and put that in the pot where I keep my treats. That'll teach him. Meanwhile, I have 4 packs of Iced Gems (approx 100 cals). They should be safe as he still has a sore mouth and gums after his visits to the dentist.