Throwing in the Towel

My Man has thrown in the towel. He consulted a solicitor with a view to taking action against the law firm that dealt with his compensation claim. Four years ago the settlement was 'bungled'. He wasn't well. He was slow witted and daft. We asked if it could be postponed until he felt better but we were persuaded to settle out of court as soon as possible.

For a 'no fault claim' and with legal protection insurance he ended up paying his legal costs!! There was no money for loss of earnings, future loss of earnings or lost pension provision.

I've known a friend end up with a larger payout for a broken ankle at work - and this when it was discovered she had previously undiagnosed osteoporosis. Since when she has used her compensation money to go on trekking holidays on 4 continents. I can see why he feels aggrieved.

Once his mind started to focus again (after the diagnosis and treatment for under active thyroid) he started to explore whether he had case. A local solicitor searched through files. He agreed there were many instances where there was a lack of 'duty of care' and 'professional negligence'. But to go through the legal procedure will cost. It is also costing him emotionally.

I agree with him. It is wrong. It is unfair. But I don't think it is healthy to keep looking back. The length of time it has taken to reach this stage: where we needed to make the decision whether to go for a barrister opinion has taken almost 2 years. At the age of 65 I don't think he has time to waste on 'justice'. We could do with the money. But . . .

Over the years he has fought many instances of injustice for other people. Against insurance companies, banks, pension firms and once a case of unfair dismissal. And invariably won their case for them. That is why I initially supported his decision to look at taking action. But it has been so time consuming. It is likely to be costly . . . He has so little energy I asked that he drop the idea so that we can use his precious energy on some form of enjoyment.

He has, reluctantly, agreed. He wrote to the solicitor and pulled the plug on the project. Hence his increased anger and irritation. Against everyone. But at the moment, I'm in the frontline.

Stubborn As a Mule

He's as stubborn as a mule MyMan. He will not listen: he will not accept advice: everyone (including me) is an "interfering" idiot who has no idea of his suffering.


Today he had to go into town to pick up files and papers from his solicitor. The load was likely to be heavy. I hauled a trolley case out of a cupboard for his use. I tried to park right outside the office but no spaces. He refused to wheel the case to the solicitors. And I could see him bent to one side as he carried it to the office. He was annoyed when the secretary there tried to help him. Then he became even more irate as he found it difficult to get the load into the boot.

I can see reasons why he's such a cross patch but when he moans about not having any energy left I can barely suppress the urge to tell him why that may be.

I reckon I know why women live longer than men. It's God's reward to us for taking care of our men

Swine Flu symptoms

I have at last managed to buy a digital thermometer. So now I will be able able to tell the difference between having a raging fever and/or a hot flush. My very old mercury thermometer broke a couple of years ago. It doesn't feel the same taking a temperature without having to shake down the mercury before and after. Sigh - for the good old days.

Some practical suggestions for keeping healthy, and hints on how to avoid succumbing to a virus such as Swine Flu can be found here.

Tempting Wife

I was taken to task the other day for buying 'tempting treats'. Like most things in life the more time MyMan and I spend together the more I am amazed that we have been married for 38 years.

When we first married I would buy a bar of chocolate. Have a couple small squares and not think about chocolate for weeks. Then when I again craved some chocoalate I'd return to the sweet dish and . . NOTHING - gone - vanished. After a while I realised that if I wanted chocolate I had to eat it before it was eaten. Weight started to creep on.

Now I am trying to lose weight. My view is that if it crept on then the best way to lose it is for it to creep away again. I still allow for occasional treats. Some weeks it's one treat per week. Desperate times it could be one treat per day. I buy packs of small chocolate treats. MyMan also needs to lose weight. He thinks I shouldn't have small treats. He blames me for his excess weight. If "we didn't have treats in the house" he would be able to resist them.

He claims to have more willpower than I. He has never been tempted to buy sweets. No he wouldn't. He's never tempted to shop either.The rare occasion I asked him to go buy a loaf of bread he also returned with 4 doughnuts and 2 almond macaroons. One doughnut was for me.

I've tried not having any treats in the house. But he expects something 'nice' to eat in the evening. Nice+ chocolatey and sweet and BIG. If none are available his grumpiness levels escalate to the point where I feel tempted to knife him. So I buy him ice cream to eat with fruit as a pudding after his main meal. At his suggestion I bought treats for myself and 'hid' them. I also buy some tasty items to feed my bridge friends when they come to play which are also hidden away.

During a recent night time prowl he found my hiding place. He opened and devoured my milk chocolate snack packs. As there are "only 2 small biscuits" per pack he ate 4 packs. He also went on and ate half a packet of 'expensively posh biscuits'. He didn't tell me. I only found out when I went to retrieve them for a bridge party several days later. My bridge friends had to make do with plain Rich Tea. Yesterday evening he ate my weeks supply of 6 x Toffee Crisps at 'only' 99 cals. He told me off for buying them in small versions: "only 2 bites and they're gone" -"Such an expensive way to shop".

When I try and tell him that these sweet treats are what add to his weight misery he tells me he gets hungry in the night. As he is constantly fighting Co-Codamol induced constipation, I suggest that a dish of high fibre cereal would be much better at warding off hunger. Then he tells me off again. That if the treats weren't in the house he would have to make do with cereal. I'm looking for a new hiding place. I'll try the cleaning cupboard. I don't think he ever looks in there.

I Require an Energy Boost

I need an energy boost. Besides ferrying MyMan to and from his hospital appts I'm thinking and using my memory bank for the 2 of us. Trying to keep an eye on his drug management (he's taken back control of his medibox again but needs a discrete eye kept on it); motivating him to attend appointments, motivating him to do a few basic tasks, reminding him once more what the Drs have said, reminding him to rest, or to take exercise, to do this or do that, then I have to see to household cleanliness, laundry, shopping, cooking.

Even though I draw up a weekly planner occasionally balls get dropped. He then gets impatient with me as 'we've not done' such and such . . . He can't understand why I feel so very tired sometimes. That to me, maybe 'such and such' wasn't high on my list of priorities.

Why is his memory so inconveniently good - sometimes?

Shocking Acupuncture

This weeks trip to the NHS Acupuncture clinic led to MyMan have needles inserted into his neck muscles and then connected to an electricity supply. The Dr warned him that he is likely to feel 'off' for a few days. He still thinks it is 'mumbo jumbo'. Everything he reads on the subject highlights the fact that 50% patients treated do not feel any benefit. I raise the other side of the coin that therefore 50% must feel some beneficial effects. He isn't impressed by my reasoning.

I can't figure out why all the things he used to love about me: my sense of humour, my independence, my practicality, my capabilities, my logical brain, my dreamy nature, my rose tinted specs, my spontaneous flexibility, my optimism - are all an increasing irritant to him.

I feel as if I could plug him into the mains supply myself very soon. I warn him that if he doesn't calm down he may spontaneously combust.

Spontaneity

I was very low yesterday. I wanted to live near my sister. I was desperate for a pop in visit to chat, share worries, have a good healthy giggle over a cup of tea.

This morning I still felt low and thought how much I missed the chance of spontaneity in my life. I couldn't remember the last time we did anything spontaneous. With nothing planned for the day I had breakfast and went in for a shower. Standing there in a lather and the door opened. "John rang to ask if we could meet them for coffee this morning? I said yes - we're to meet up at the garden centre at 10.30". That surprised me.

I was surprised even more when after a cup of coffee on the garden centre veranda it started to rain. We all moved inside to try and find a table for 6. MyMan asked everyone "Why don't you come back to ours?" - well - and there I had been quietly wishing for spontaneity. I have had a double dose. I just wished I'd made the beds, cleaned the toilets and put fresh towels out before we went out. And with a lounge that had not been cleaned since a week before I pulled my back. Ah well . . .

If we're back in spontaneous mode I'll have to pull my finger out and raise my game housework wise.

Side Effects

I thought that perhaps the acupuncturist had found his irritability button and turned it to high but on reading 'possible side effects' of his new lyrical drug I see that irritability is one. Along with confusion. Just what I need. Thanks a lot Doc . .