Saturday, 19 July 2008

Parallel Worlds

It is very strange but 2 days later MyMan started talking as if it is settled that he is going to change rooms when his new bed arrives. He said 'it does make sense' for the single bed to go in the smaller room. He was more like my OldMan. The Man I love and married 37 years ago.. reasonable and open to discussion and negotiation. We didn't always agree but we could talk through our differences and come to some agreement. Nowadays it's like living with Jekyll and Hyde. I just never know which one I am going to find each morning or which one I am talking to at any time.

We used to be so close he would always say he could read me like a book. He believed in ESP as I would start talking about something that was just in his thoughts.

Maybe as I typed up my last post he subliminally absorbed my thoughts while taking his afterno0n rest. Perhaps he decided the change of rooms was the cheaper option. Or it is that my OldMan is still lurking there behind this crabby, cantankerous old devil I find myself married to now.

We might make it to our 38th wedding anniversary after all ..

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

The Last Straw

I'm inclined towards feeling upset this afternoon. It feels like the last straw. As the counsellor asked me last year "Who is Penny? and where is Penny in all this? and "what about Penny?.."

Despite having the whole house - apart from my bedroom- made comfortable and convenient in accordance with the difficulties MyMan experiences I've just found out that when he acquires a new single adjustable bed he is not keen to move into the smaller of the 2 bedrooms. He likes space around him. So if he continues in the main bedroom he'll have a single bed in a space between 2 bedside cabinets that were fitted for a large 6' double bed. Even when it may need the electrics changed to take the electrically operated adjustable bed.

Two years ago we had the main bedroom fitted out. I spent ages working on the plans and designing the maximum storage I could squeeze into the space. I chose the wallpaper, carpet, curtains and the new bedding all so that it co-ordinated. I love colour and style. It's important to me.

At the same time the builders were in MyMan chose the decor for what is now the second bedroom. The room has been my bedroom for 2 years. He likes 'colour' and didn't want the pinks or rusts I favour. So he chose straw wallpaper with a yellowish brown carpet. I've found it so difficult to choose suitable curtains I've given up. Along with pine furniture it is a room to go to bed in, with the lights out, and go to sleep as quickly as possible. It is dreary.

When the builders left MyMan and all our friends admired my selection. He said the colours were 'restful and soothing'. I know. I took pride in it. I loved it. MyMan then took up residence in the main bedroom, alone. I was envious. I would clean and tidy the room dress the bed, admire it and leave. My bedroom by contrast I would dust and hoover but gained no pleasure. The wallpaper is dull, the carpet not a colour I like and the bedding is a mismatch of old favourites acquired over numerous years which can barely lift the gloom of what is to me a male decorated room.

He said he would keep his 'lovely bedroom' vacuumed and dusted. He does so after a fashion. But only after I've nagged about the dustballs scurrying along the headboard shelf and cabinet surfaces. As soon as he sees me head there with a duster he comes in "I was just about to do that" he says. His bed chosen for his needs, to lever himself up and out, has no give at all. Rock hard and far to uncomfortable, I had to abandon it several years ago. After 4 years of separate bedrooms we are no longer sure we can share a room at night. I still love the bedroom I designed but it gives me no pleasure now. The shelves I envisaged as holding a few tasteful glass, ceramics and a posy of flowers are crammed full of overflowing stuff from his study (which is in what I consider the best room in the house) and from his 'work area' which is in the main reception hall. We share the lounge which is full of chairs chosen to suit his back. Rather than for their cosy aesthetic appearance.

Now that we are about to make a decision on his adjustable bed I suggested that this could be a good time for us to swap bedrooms. The single bed would fit very easily into the second bedroom. He said that he didn't want me to 'suffer another upheaval'. I said I didn't mind. Then he told me he liked space around him. I asked what space around him did he need at night? To which his stock answer came that he liked "space as I'm trapped here". I pointed out the second bedroom will have space a plenty when the single bed is in space taken up by a 5' double bed. But when he said that he didn't want the second bedroom "with all that old furniture" I knew exactly where I stand.

Now that I know where I stand I am going to have the second bedroom, my bedroom, redecorated and with fitted furniture. It will cost. He said and we had agreed that it was pointless spending any more money on this place when we have every intention of moving soon. But how soon is soon? In our discussion just now he talked of us being here another 5 years. I am not going to wait 5 years for a bedroom that will give me some pleasure to walk into.

Yet another project to sort when I already feel stressed and tired. But I am not going to let the grass grow under my feet. 'Where is Penny's space?' So far the arrangement in this house feel very one sided. I'm beginning to feel like a carer and a housekeeper. I intend to redress the balance. It's either divorce and 2 separate homes or its time to claim my space here ... I'm not just upset I am angry and hurt.

Sunday, 13 July 2008

Crabby Old Girl

I was so looking forward to having coffee with our friends today at the Garden Centre. I'd not seen them for a week or more as they have all been on holiday. I was looking forward to a good chat with them. MyMan said he would come too... fine by me. Well it was fine with me until I realised he didn't feel at all well this morning. Even when he's having a 'better day' he says he hates the coffee shop culture and the small talk. Not feeling 'at all well' makes him more irritable and even less tolerant than normal. He insisted on coming along.

But due to the pain and not feeling 'at all well' we had to leave early. I became irritated. I felt he had spoilt my social event. Once we reached home he was restless and even more irritable. As for me I'm now feeling really crabby; it's catching. He can't settle to anything. Not the Sunday papers, the golf on TV or the cricket on the radio. Every time I immerse myself in a book or blogging he wants to tell me that he's bored ....I list the long list of little jobs he's promised to do 'one day 'but he doesn't 'feel at all well' .......

I'm beginning to think I might make him a double egg and chip butty for tea....that would probably cheer him up. Perhaps I can kill him with kindness ... death by cholesterol ....

Friday, 4 July 2008

Faulty Towers

My Man is a perfectionist. He is a fault finder. The windows haven't been cleaned since we lost our window cleaner 9 months ago. MyMan wasn't impressed with the cost for a less than perfect result when our window cleaner went on to a non-ladder mode of washing them with ionised water. MyMan was going to do them himself. Every month he was going to do them soon. I became tired of peering through the salt laden smears. To admire the garden or watch the birds feed in the morning was an ever increasing blur.

My Man was invited out for afternoon tea with a fellow stamp collector. I rarely have time alone and often like a short space of solitude to sit quietly and reflect. But this was an unexpected bonus. I used the time to quickly wash the windows. Well the ones for the main living rooms. The ones I can reach without a step ladder. I was very pleased with the result. Bright and cheery. The result has certainly raised my spirits.

MyMan pointed out the smears. I'm not bothered - the smears can only be seen when the sun shines. When the sun shines I am out doors, gardening. Early morning and late afternoon the windows look gleaming. But the smears continued to annoy him. Today I took a chamois leather to the windows to try and remove the smears. I think it is better. But I was told I had probably made the leather dirty now. TOUGH.

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Plants Glorious Plants

A few weeks ago I wrote how MyMan wanted to have some patio roses in pots that he would' take care of'. He chose 3 which he potted up. He does look after them. But I have to remind him when they need watering, deadheading and turning so that they don't grow leaning towards the sun. Considering we have a largish garden I have increased the number of pots and container plants this year. I now have 4 hostas, 2 tea tree bushes, 5 large cactii, 3 small pots of impatiens along with numerous containers of pelargoniums. Last year's containers of pelargoniums continue to flourish so they have earned their place on the patio for a third year. In all I have over 25 containers to monitor. I must be mad.

The hardy geraniums [cranesbills] are really earning their keep this year. I've divided and increased them to fill in numerous gaps between shrubs or as ground cover in the borders. I do not know what their names as most of them have been pinched [cuttings pulled] from friends or neighbours gardens.