Saturday, 25 April 2009

Carers' Support Worker

Well - if nothing else meeting with a Carers' Support Worker from MIND on Monday gave me the chance to talk, talk and talk. I assumed I'd have an hour. But the first thing Margaret said was that I had 2 hours to talk about anything, everything or nothing. She explained that there isn't much they can do in a practical or financial way. I hadn't expected a magic wand. Just to have the opportunity to talk to someone who wouldn't be judgemental or feel I was doing MyMan down was a form of relief.

While I was talking things over I was still inclined to be defending or explaining MyMan and his mental problems. It was a form of relief. She didn't think it was unreasonable of me to wish to move closer to family. Agreed with my view that if MyMan rarely ventured out far there was very little to matter to him about where we lived. But even then I still felt inclined to balance the scales. I can see from his point of view that what he knows could be much 'safer' than a leap into the unfamiliar. A case of 'It's better the devil you know when choosing whether to leap between a rock and a hard place . . . . '.

I've agreed to meet up with a small group of carers who are in similar situation. To see if we can provide mutual support. I was told I had a good sense of humour and was likely to enjoy the company of one lady in particular. Her Man developed depression following his retirement and their move to Devon. This was just the scenario I had planned to avoid. Choosing to relocate to our chosen retirement area well in advance of the event. To establish roots before the next major change in our life. But as they say 'the best laid plans of mice, men and women gang awry . . .'

I found I was emotionally exhausted in the afternoon but still entertained a friend to afternoon tea. It was her birthday.

I'm trying to be more selfish. To stop considering 'friends' needs above my own. But like an addict it's one step or one day at a time. I'm trying in more ways than one.


rosiero said...

I think it is very sensible to become more selfish or to detach yourself from the situation you find yourself in. As you know, I live in a similar situation where my husband is an alcoholic. I attend Al-anon meetings (for families affected by an alcoholic) and there we strive to look after ourselves and repair the damage done by the alcoholic. We learn to detach ourselves from the alcoholism and look into how we can become well again. I think you need to do the same. Doing things you want to do is essential for your sanity and well-being.

ladythinker said...

Thnak you Rosiero - I've now found my own version of Al-anon. Carer's support meetings.