Wednesday, 13 June 2007

A Singles Social Life

Things aren't quite so good at the moment. My Man still feels that he just doesn't want to mix with people. We had a birthday party to attend last weekend. He made a great effort and came with me. It was a small do of only 6 of us in total. A couple of hours in the afternoon. With tea and cakes. He only came with me as he 'didn't want to let you down'. He says he didn't enjoy it much at all. He finds small talk difficult - it's of 'no interest ' for him. I admit it is difficult as we have no small talk in us, lately. We haven't been on any exciting holidays or cruises. We haven't been to the new shopping centre at Plymouth and we don't eat out. We both feel envious that people are 'out there' enjoying life. He doesn't want to keep hearing about other peoples illnesses and treatments. He would much prefer to meet people who are not retired and have a 'meaningful' conversation. But all he can talk about is his ill health/pain and treatments etc! Also he can't be bothered with 'intellectual conversation'. So, therefore, he has no interest in conversation.
We have an invite to a small social get together tomorrow evening. I would like to go. I would much prefer that we go as a couple. But I find it difficult to enjoy myself when I hear the conversation revolving around trips abroad, restaurants, shopping, clubs and other social events. I almost can hear My Man's voice going on as a censor at the back of my mind and it inhibits me. I don't know whether or not I will be going - but if I do I expect it will be as a singleton.

8 comments:

Poetess said...

Hi Thinker

I really feel for your situation. it must be very difficult. I do hope that you go despite going as a singleton. That is hard, and makes you feel like the odd one out, before you get to the restricted lifestyle.

I have got a very important wedding to go to on Saturday. Its at Virginia Wades house and she will be there and of course I don't know whether I will make it until the day. I have menieres as well as the mobility issue. Will be giving it my best shot however.

When I was completely housebound I studied with the Open University. It was fantastic and gave me something to focus on. It also gave me lots to talk about when I was in similar situations to what you describe. It gave me a sense of worth.

Poetess

The thinker said...

Gosh that sounds very exciting - a 'celeb' style wedding - certainly hope you get there - maybe a poem out of it afterwards?! Menieres as well - dreadful for you - talk about troubles coming all at once - life's not very fair is it? My fingers crossed you get to the do.

Poetess said...

Thinker

Can you picture me in Hello magazine. Pam Ayres but younger, cannot imgine her in slinky pink either. Though she looks great at 60. She was so funny. It is my osteopaths wedding.I have spoken to Virginia before when I was doing reception work for him. ~That is my claim to fame. My dad says I have got to take her a tennis ball and ask her to sign it but I think that may be lowering the tone a bit. I don't want to get kicked out of court with the paparazzi standing by.

Poetessxxx

The thinker said...

Poetess - not seen any newspapaper articles on celeb wedding - hope you got there and got the autographed tennis ball. just nipping over to see if there's a poem on the event.

Flowerpot said...

I can sympathise with your situation - had it a lot with my partner. I do lots of things on my own nnow and have got to enjoy it, but.....
He does make the effort sometimes but on others it's best just to go by myself and enjoy it without worrying about him. Best of luck

The thinker said...

Thank you flower ... nice to meet you.

Snuffleupagus said...

Gosh. You are clearly quite extraordinary. If it makes you feel any better, there are some of us who have to go everywhere as a singleton, never have any choice about it, and even have to stay at home as one. We eat left over Chinese take aways on any given evening, work all the time, go to the cinema alone, and basically live life on our own. So while caring for someone to me does seem like a huge burden, it does give options that say my own life does not have. So be happy in that knowledge I suppose - though I must say I take my hat off to you - I'm not sure I could ever do what you are doing.

The thinker said...

It's a case of the 'grass being greener ...' isn't it? Basically being part of a couple there is usually some form of give and take going on - compromises being made - but when there is very little of that going on - the balance between 2 different people and their needs can become upset - it can be hard to re-adjust. I used to work in social services and was used to assessing 'Carers' needs' - but this has been a real eye opener - a paradigm shift.