Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Death of a Friendship

We meet people at different times in our lives. If they are friends for a long time they see the best and the worst in us. We make allowances when a friend upsets us. We give it time to assume less importance and the friendship continues. But sometimes the upset and hurt feelings are so big that one wonders whether the friendship will survive. Whether it is worth the effort.

A good friend remains thoughtful and considerate through thick and thin. Self centred friends are more 'fair weather' companions. I'm just sorting out one from the other.

What has shocked me is that the friend who now works in the caring industry is more 'me, me, me' than any of the others. I'm beginning to see her as a 'fairweather friend'. I think she may see me me as a 'travelling companion' for holidays and short breaks away. Someone who will cheer her when she finds life stressful. We enjoy a laugh and have a similar sense of humour. But it now appears to me she is completely unaware of my feelings and the stress I am under. That MyMan comes first in my life. Or that I have responsibilities. She expects me to 'do what you want to do'.

I am thinking of all she has said over our weekend away. Our 3 day weekend break away has been enlightening. And I think that she is right; in one way. I will think of myself first. I will do what I want to do. So I will not be seeing her again for a long, long while ... if ever again.


rosiero said...

Yes, I believe in times of crisis you know who your real friends are. So sorry you have lost what you thought was a friend.

Marianne said...

This does resonate with me, as I have recently withdrawn from a 7 year long friendship with someone whom I came to see was a 'toxic' friend. I still feel bad about it, as I hate to lose a friend, but feel that it was the only thing to do, as I could not let her influence my decisions or sabotage my life.

I realised that she liked me to play a certain role and that having as much fun as she did, if not more, was not part of the deal between us. My real friends are just glad for me, that my life is so much fuller now.

Sadly, sometimes, you just have to let go. As you have.

Anonymous said...

I so understand where you are coming from. Sadly as we progress through life it becomes to necessary to lose people along the way - not because we are careles, or selfish, or self centred BUT because they are toxic.
You might like to read this post I wrote on Toxic Friends:

Anonymous said...

Hmmm sorry the link doesn't work - your blog may be bloccking it.

If you follow the j9marshall back to my site you can find the post by the date. Scroll down the right hand side to "ancient history" and search December 2007. (If you're interested of course).

Best wishes.

joker1972 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
joker1972 said...

I have family who act like this. Thank God I have friends who do not.

ladythinker said...

Thank you all for your thoughts. I've had a look at your post J9 on Toxic Friends - a good name for them. But I'm still trying to analyse how I may have contributed to the situation myself by not speaking out much at the time - even though I know some of that is due to lack of energy !!