Thursday, 30 August 2007

The Treadmills of My Mind

It's now 4.20 am. there is a bright full moon lighting the garden as bright as day. I am unable to sleep. I've been tossing and turning for a couple of hours. My mind also has tossed everything around. Thinking, considering and trying to work out what is the best course of action: regrets: worries: anxieties. All have been tossed and marinaded into one thick broth.

Following the appointment with the Thyroid specialist 10 days ago, MyMan has been worse. An increase in physical aches and pains. All as a result of attending a hospital appointment.

Also he is still recovering from the 2 week break I took in May. The extra tasks that he had to do to fully care for himself along with a couple of minor DIY jobs took their toll on muscles, ligaments and tendons. Physically he is worse now than he's ever been. It's very hard to not think there is some unidentified physical illness that has yet to be diagnosed. MyMan believes it is all as a result of the accident and the low thyroid. But I am now contemplating M.E and Fibromylgia. I am wondering whether to go and see the doctor and talk it over with him. Would PTSD give him such visible physical symptoms? I'm not sure. But as he's been so weak I haven't yet had the spare time to carry out any research. As it is My Man is now having to wear supports with occasional ice packs on both wrists. He yelps with pain from just trying to get himself a cup of coffee. He also winces when I give him a hug. His chest muscles hurt. The more restricted he is physically the more difficult it becomes to prevent a deeper descent into the depression.

3 Beautiful Things
  1. Coming face to face with a young chick Robin while weeding under a shrub
  2. A bowl of Cornish raspberries with thick yellow Devon cream
  3. A bright moon lit garden full of dark mysterious shadows.


lady thinker said...

I've now found a web site that does talk of the physical problems in relation to PTSD and it mentions fibromylgia.

I was also upset to hear that Rachel North's mother died recently.

Very sad. I still miss my mother who died over 40 yeara ago.

Poetess said...

I'm sorry to hear your hubby is not feeling very well. It does sound like ME or something along that. It is so frustrating for you both.

Always here to listen.

There is something nice about being awake when all else sleeps.


lady thinker said...

Thanks poetess. x

vichchoobhai said...

I am so sorry to read the thoughts that cross your mind as u subject it to a treadmill at 4.30 am when the whole world sleeps. But then that is the lot of the caregiver which he/she bears with an equanimous smile.

Penelope, I wonder if u have ever thought of alternative medicine foryour Man. I have seen people with various types of neurasthenic or muscular pains benefit from practising Yoga.Simple breathing quick inhalation and prolonged exhalation while the mind concentrates on a fixed object, or even counting beads on a rosary. Change in dietary habits can also help. Just a thought.

I do hope and pray that your Man gets well soon.

Best wishes

lady thinker said...

Vich - thanks for your input. sometimes when he has a muscle spasm I do help by directing him with breathing exercises to help calm and relax and change his focus. But he's a bit of an old fashioned stubborn macho male and quite a bit of arguing goes on till he 'tries' my suggestions. I am wondering whether acupuncture will benefit him and am working on that at the moment. I have a good friend who does Yoga - I'll get her to suggest it could help him without his having to wrap his knees behind his neck! 8-). Thanks for the suggestion.

Mr Mans Wife said...

I suffer from M.E myself and it's true that when I am really tired I become more depressed. The depression itself isn't always about what I can or can't do, just being so exhausted seems to affect my mood generally, and tiredness makes me weepy.

Of course most doctors believe that the depression comes first - but even when I am quite well mentally the physical symptoms are still there. The severity varies though.

I hope you can find some answers. Just knowing what you're dealing with can help with managing symptoms.

1. Sweet dreams
2. Clean hair
3. Sad music

lady thinker said...

Thanks Mr Man's wife - I know how you feel.